Feb 8, 2016

Meet Marquette: I’m a Mom!

It is easy for me to assume that those of you actually reading this blog know a good chunk about me (in my head I like to imagine I’m writing to the masses, but I know realistically that this blog isn’t there yet, but I can dream and work and hope). If not a good chunk, you most likely already know I’m a Mom. 

If not…now you do! 

Motherhood always scared me to death. Enough so that it took quite a few years after we were married to even come to grips with the idea. After being married for 7 years, God worked on my heart enough that I was willing to say, “Okay, we’ll have one and see how it goes from there.” 

And man each day since then it has been a roller coaster. There are days where I’m not sure who talked me into even standing in the line for this particular ride and other days where the loops are exhilarating and fun. 

But I’m starting to learn something. I always thought Motherhood was just for the kids benefit, and it largely is. Mothers play such a vital role in teaching, training, and nurturing their children. But I’m learning that motherhood is also there for the moms. 

I’m getting a crash course in patience every day. 
I’m learning how to adapt to various situations. 
I’m learning that everything I do matters. 

A few days ago I bought a notebook to record gifts for the coming baby so we could keep things straight. I recorded what had been given to us so far and set it on the lamp table. Darrow asked what it was and I told him “This is the baby’s notebook.” And that was that. I thought. 
Sometime between then and this evening it got knocked off to the floor, and finally Darrow noticed it. He picked it up and ran to the bedroom. 
“What are you doing Darrow?”
“I put it away!” 
So I figured I’d just find it later. 
Well, we went to put Darrow in his bed and had to pass by the baby bassinet and there, in the bassinet was the notebook. Darrow had seen the baby notebook on the floor and knew that wasn’t where it belonged. So he made the connection that this was baby’s notebook and so far the baby only has one place in the house, so he put it where it made sense to him. 
This seems so small on the outside, but it’s really tugged at my heart and made me think tonight. 
From once sentence, “This is the baby’s notebook,” he made connections. He wanted to do something good. 
If he can take something that simple and connect dots that well, what is he noticing about me and my actions? What am I saying around him, thinking he’s too young to understand, that maybe he’s logging away in the incredible memory of his? 
It’s easy to think, “Oh, I have time. My important teaching moments will be later when he’s older.” But the foundation is already being laid. The time is now. 
I have a responsibility right now to teach him. Not in a few years when he “gets it more”. 
And that scares me to death. 
My first reaction was “Great! Now I have to watch every single thing I do and say around him because who knows what he’s picking up from me.” And then I realized I should be watching everything I do and say anyway. Not just because he might pick up something, but because that is what I should be doing to improve myself and to get closer to God. 
So Motherhood is for me to help raise Darrow, to teach him, to mold him, to guide him. That’s a huge part of it. But I’m also realizing that Motherhood is to teach me, mold me, and guide me into more of the person I should be. I can’t effectively teach Darrow anything I don’t already believe whole heartedly, something I don’t actually live. 

So even on the days when I’m not sure why I keep getting back in line for this roller coaster, I know that there’s something I can learn. Something I can help him learn. Something that can be done. Remembering that isn’t always easy, but maybe I can start remembering it more.

Even when he throws his cars in church.

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